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Promise, it is one of the foundation stones of the real love. Concrete and deep commitment, even if can’t guarantee the emotion relation is plain sailing, will play and act on greatly too. One will concentrate attention at the beginning of a certain thing, it may be very limited that its emotion is put into, but as time goes on, he (she) Should put into more emotions, otherwise, the emotion relation will be moved towards disintegrating sooner or later, or is in the superficial, fragile state all the time. Take I as an example, I before marrying the ceremony, have any unusual feeling, it is very calm to behave all the time. Gradually, I feel nervous and even some shiver, even does not remember the course of the wedding, and anything happening subsequently. For some time, I have adapted to this people’s growing and changing slowly, put more emotion into the family, at last 

Go out of the state of falling in love, has found the motive power of the true love. Not usually getting on very well, after bearing children, we only put into more emotion, the instinct stage that can produce a male heir to continue the family line from biology, grow into benevolent parents with sense of duty. As to the emotion relation based on love, pay whole-heartedly, it is the indispensable precondition. Only the lasting emotion relation, could make intelligence ripe constantly. If we lack sense of safety is not merely constantly anxious to abandon by birth, and feel that has an uncertain future, intelligence can not be ripe forever. Couple in the face of rely on and independence, handle and submit to, freedom and question such as being loyal and steadfast, without solution, magnify question, live in suspect, the frightened shade all day, it is unable to find the outlet calmly, can make the emotion relation belong to and destroy finally.

Promise, can bring sense of safety to a person. However, most schizophrenia patients are all difficult to promise. Let the patient promise, it is usually essential links. Wonder how to realize "  Concentrate attention "  ,It is unwilling to make any commitment too, it is very apt to cause the psychology to lack proper care. The persons who lack proper care of passivity personality are unwilling to promise, even has lost the ability to promise, they are not the risk fearing to be promised, but may know at all how to promise. They may not love, has not got the commitment that parents love from parents during one’s childhood, so until they grow to manhood, have never had experience that is promised.

The unregulated patient of the neural sense can understand the meaning promised, but the extreme one is tense and frightened, make them lose motive force promised. In their childhood, most of parents have love, can let them experience the sense of safety promised to bring, later on because death of appearing, abandon or other reasons, this kind of sense of safety declares that stops, it is unable to be responded to make it promise, become painful memory, they fear to make the new commitment from this. Once the patient stands the wound of soul, unless set up ideal emotion relation, otherwise the wound is difficult to heal. Sometimes, as the psychologist, I think of it takes the patient that treat for a long time to receiving each time, uneasy in the heart. After all, want to enable and treat going on smoothly, the psychologist must establish good relation with the patient, like the parents rich in the love treat children, go to care about the patient wholeheartedly, and can’t give up halfway, could open the patient’s heart in this way, suit the remedy to the case.

It is cold, and introverted that Miss Rachel 27 years old suffers from the serious sex, the words and deeds are too overcautious. As soon as she has had a transient marriage, she has divorced, come to consult me. She tells me, because the sex that can’t accept her is cold, husband Mark and she part company with. Rachel says: "I know my question. I originally think, it is a good thing to marry Mark. I hope he makes my soul warm, let me change to some extent, but I have thought by mistake. This is not a question of mark. With which man unable to let I fun of person who experience together, I want, find fun from sexual love either. Though I think sometimes that should change, live like normal people, but unfortunately, I am used to the present state. Though mark often reminds me, let me try hard to relax down, however, even if I can accomplish, do not want to change the present state either. "

In the treatment goes on until the third month, I remind Rachel: She comes to go to a doctor each time, has not taken on the seat yet, will say at least that " thanks " twice —The first time "  Thanks " ,It is we, when the waiting room was just met; The second time "  Thanks " ,It is when of the office that just came into me her.

Rachel asks: "This have anything, OK? "

"It is good. " I answer, " however, so many gifts of yours are unnecessary. By the look of your behavior, it is piece that lack confidence, think one’s own unwelcome guest just. "

"But actually I was a guest, here was your clinic after all. "

" right, " I say, " but don’t forget, you have already paid in order to treat. Period of time and this space belong to you, you have one’s own rights, you are not a guest. Office, waiting room, have the time that we coexist, all these belong to you. You have paid and bought them, they belong to you, why want me in order to belong
Mobile POS|Contactless POS|Fingerprint POS|Credit Card Terminal|Point of Sale to you to be east-west to express one’s gratitude? " 
 

The
Handmade BraceletsBeaded BraceletsHeart NecklaceBeaded Necklaces listening mode talked about above is in fact " the recipient’s listening mode " ,We come to have a look now "  The listening mode of the persons who offer "  ,The most common one is listening attentively to the child and speaking. On the basis of the child’s age, listening ways to choose should be different to some extent too. A child six years old on grade one in primary school, speaking may speak unceasingly, not stop, as to this kind of situation, how do parents deal with? A simplest way is: Let children close the mouth directly. In the family that has, parents even make the regulation, will never allow children to say endlessly. Such a family will never allow naturally"  Children say what they like "  . The second way is no matter what the child talks about, the adult does not show interest in, in this case, the child can only talk to oneself, or has talked only with the air. They follow 

Between the adults, it is interdynamic not to have at all, has not exchanged. The third way is to pretend to be listened attentively to, in fact is still busy with one’s own work, it think one’s own worry,last every one "eh, " Or " excellent " ,So as to deal with the child. The fourth way to listen attentively to selectively, child talk about some seem important thing, parents will pick up one’s ears, centralized attention, attempt to obtain the most information with the efforts at least. Certainly, most parents may not be crossed and specially trained, perhaps not have good choice ability, so, will usually omit a lot of important information. The last way, is certainly every sentence listening attentively to the child conscientiously, understand their meaning as much as possible.

Among the above-mentioned five listening way, time and energy that parents pay, we can say one large than first kind. Perhaps you thought, what I recommended was the last way, because it can reflect parents’ love and concern more to children, however, you have thought by mistake. First of all, the child six years old is very talkative, if listen to their every sentence, parents have no time to do a good job of other things. Secondly, listen attentively to hard and analyze all the child’s words conscientiously, this will make parents feel all pooped out. Last, what the child six years old said, mostly dull and dull, listen attentively to all day, will only let you feel barren and be bored. You had better synthesize the above five ways, weigh and use selectively. Sometimes, it is necessary to let the child shut up big directly, especially when they chatter. They continuous firing stop saying, can let parents divert one’s attention only, unable to finish other thing attentively. When you and others speak, the child may interrupt on purpose, express their hostility, or bring your attention on purpose. In most cases, the child six years old does not have clear intention, often just speak for speaking, might not need listening of you, notice even if they talk to oneself, can experience the fun among them. But sometimes, the child wishes eagerly to be close to parents, need parents to listen to them speaking. In this case, what the child needs is not exchanged by speech, but and the intimate sense among parents, so is enough if pretend to listen attentively to. In fact the child can realize too, parents are listening attentively to selectively sometimes, but this kind "  Listen attentively to the principle "  ,Will make them feel satisfied too. The child six years old, can already accept this kind of listening rule, and in a large number of words of theirs, only a little part needs parents’ concern and response. One of task on it is the most crucial in parents, it hear but with between not hearing,make by appropriate choice, find the best equalization point, meet child’s demands as much as possible.

This kind of " equalization point " It is very difficult to master. Though it is originally limited to listen attentively to the time that the child speaks, a lot of parents are unwilling to pay energy to be used for listening attentively to during this limited time. They may think, pretend to listen attentively to or at most listen attentively to selectively, it is real listening. This is just cheated oneself, the purpose is to conceal it lazily. Real listening, how transient it is no matter time, demand sizable efforts. First of all, it needs listeners to stretch every nerve. You impossible the same "  Listen attentively to " Others speak, go, busy with work other thing. Parents should put other things on one side, really use the time when is listened attentively to for the child, and it must be the child’s time. Unwilling to set other thing free, get you good mood or other thought,etc., mean you are unwilling to really listen attentively to. Secondly, set attention free get six year old speech of child, even more than listen attentively to one speech efforts that need. Six year old speech of child law usually, language gurgle gushes out like spring sometimes, stop and repeat in a large amount sometimes, furthermore make you very difficult to focus attention. In addition, the thing that the child said, it is difficult to make the adult interested lastingly; But outstanding speech family can make the audience concentrate one’s attention, listen to their speech conscientiously. In other words, listen attentively to the child six years old and speak, it is usually quite uninteresting, it is very difficult to focus attention for a long time, if you can accomplish, the action of the real love. In fact, without love, parents are difficult
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